Messy Ex's...

I had the occasion to cross paths with an ex over the 4th of July weekend at the home of a mutual friend. What began as a joyous occasion turned into something much less joyous. In fact, it began to tip the scales quite heavily in favor of tragedy. At first, I was really excited to see him because he looked good! I'd seen him in years past and that wasn't always the case.

During those years in between, hard living - drugs and alcohol had obviously taken their toll on him. He looked old and frail, not anything like the vibrant, strong and healthy man I had come to love and adore in my younger years. That man I came to adore would make his pecs jump at will to my sheer delight and bench press 275 lbs barely breaking a sweat. That man would carry me for blocks on end as we enjoyed evening strolls around our 'hood. My heart and soul mourned for him and my beloved memories of him. Those memories were now tainted and distorted by the shallow, pale image of life that stood before me.

At the cookout, we spoke, reminisced, and shared a lot of laughter. We greeted each other with warmth and affection. Our brief reunion made me recall the love we once had and the love that will always remain between us. I was excited for him, to see him doing so well.

However, the evening waned on and the vestiges of the person I had mourned started to emerge. He continued to drink to the point of drunkenness. He began to look at me through eyes of drunken lust (even though he knew I was married) where hours earlier, I'd been the object of his respect and admiration. At every clandestine opportunity, he employed his favorite tactic of revisiting the issues that came between us in the past and tried to once again play the guilt card on me, to which I'd been quite susceptible to in the past.

My excitement at our reunion slowly slipped into regret. sorrow, and pain. At nearly 40, the one-time love of my life is basically a drifter. He's gone from Ohio, Georgia, and back to another city in Ohio all within the last 7 months. He's unemployed, no car, no job, an alcoholic and father of six kids with four different women.

I remember when we split up. I'd found him in bed with another woman at his home. At the time, I was completely devastated. I could not see a future for me without him in it. My heart ached and pined for this man for 17 long years after that encounter. It was only at age 31 after we'd gotten back together, began planning a wedding, and he became MIA without warning, that I decided enough was enough. I made my heart decide to let go.

Seeing him at that cookout made me realize that real love doesn't always die. It can and will live on. But I thank God for changing that love into care and concern for another human being. For giving me a heart of prayer on behalf of this individual.

Seeing him also made me realize how our efforts to hold on to something/someone are mere exercises in futility when that thing/person is not part of God's plan for our lives. When I look back on the many years I spent being bitter, depressed, and sad, I regard that period of my life as 17 years of unnecessary waste. Now, having the benefit of hindsight, I should have spent that time being better, uplifted, and happy.

I could have actually found myself married to that guy who showed up at the cookout. My destiny would have been irrevocably tied to his through the bonds of holy matrimony. Had that been the case, I would been living with his demons and waging constant spiritual warfare throughout all those years. Talk about being tired!

During the breakup of that relationship, I didn't understand God's plan. I wanted THAT man. I loved THAT man. But God had a different plan. He's since blessed me with that special man He created especially for me. He's blessed me by giving me a husband who is in love with me, one who cares for me and my well-being. We don't always see eye to eye. It's not always peaches and cream. Sometimes, we have to resolve to agree to disagree. But our love is real and his heart is true. So, thank God for the husband God picked for me and not the one I would have picked out for myself!

I have a new appreciation for that old adage, "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." If I ever happen to see the woman I found him in bed with, I am going to give her a huge hug and a sincere "Thank you." That breakup was meant to take my life because I was hurt, depressed and suicidal. Now, because of that breakup, I can appreciate the husband and marriage that bless me daily and the God that brought me through it all.

Crock-pot Catastrophe: A metaphor for life

Today I woke up with purposeful optimism. I prayed and believed that the answers I needed would come from God today during worship service. I got up, showered, cleaned up around the house, fixed breakfast, and decided to check on the progress of Sunday's meal. I had high hopes for a new chicken recipe idea (chicken with pecans and a peach glaze) which I had placed in the slow cooker the night before. My nose was greeted with delicious aroma as soon as I awoke. Consequently, my taste buds were excited and anxiously awaiting a real dinner treat. As I opened the lid, brimming over with culinary anticipation and delight, I discovered a crack in the stoneware liner. A fatal flaw as it were. Nearly all the juices had leaked out of the crock pot and had formed a nice little puddle underneath. There was no juicy glaze, only scorched pecans, and a sticky hard mess left in the bottom of the pot. The chicken itself was salvageable, but no tasty glaze or beautiful presentation was to come of this dish. I was disappointed. But because the chicken is still good, I can repurpose the meat - add some rice, cheese and broccoli for a casserole.

With a little time to spare before morning service, I began to search the internet for replacement parts. I typed in the maker, the model number, keywords, anything I could think of to find a replacement stoneware liner. I went to the manufacturer's site, who seems to have outsourced, AND the store site where I purchased the item a little over a year ago, just to name a few. Although I could find the product itself, replacement parts were impossible to find.

So, what's the metaphor? God can take the messes we've created of our lives and create something delicious and wonderful. Out of our burned, scorched, messed up lives, He can create beautiful, appetizing, complete and satisfied people. He repurposes our experiences so that the negative we've endured becomes our positive testimony.

Don't get stuck on what didn't happen the way we planned it. Focus on what good can happen. Chicken, rice, and broccoli casserole still makes a great family meal! It may not be what I intended, but it will still completely nourish, fill and satisfy the needs of my family.

When there is a product defect, God doesn't outsource. I can always contact my maker directly. His Word says, "I will supply all your needs, according to my riches in glory." His customer service department operates 24/7. I will never be placed on hold, get lost in the automated system, or be told to call back during normal business hours. My model will never become obsolete because He knows the plans He has for you and I - plans of good and not evil. Our parts are always in stock. When my patience is broken, he has a fresh supply. I thank God that His mercies are new every morning!

So what happens when you have the best of intentions and things still don't turn out right? Proverbs says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding." The scripture also says, "All things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."

Just because your crock pot is cracked, doesn't mean your meal has to be ruined. Allow God to repurpose your experiences and feast on the victory!